As I reflect back on my life and really observe "happenings" in my life (because I've had a lot of time to analyze), there have been more obvious connections that have happened in my life that I didn't think about or know about "back then". The prom dress that I wore at my high school prom had a designer name that was my middle name. Feathers & pennies show up in the oddest spots wherever I am and at the moment that I need to see them. My dreams have been clear as day. The people that have come into my life, and have shared "de Je Vu" stories with me. Finding a number *8* pool ball under my mother's apartment when I was sitting outside crying one day (and that was Nick's favorite game *pool*, and my favorite number is *8*). Getting the chance to experience what it feels like to have a father when a good friend Rich took me out to an arcade and uploaded a neverending amount of money so I could play in the arcade last year.
The encounters that I have had volunteering at the homeless shelter, talking to a sad man at Garrison, sitting with a girl who was bullied on the bus, yelling "Have a Good Night" to a man that looked in rough shape across Walmart parking lot before I got in my car, trying to buy a homeless man a pizza...... the list goes on.
Some may say this is just my mental illness, but as I reflect back on my life, these are the reasons why I don't feel real in this world and why I feel like a floating figment of my imagination because so many things have happened to me in the past and present without me even realizing what was even happening.
I've also had some bad things happen. When I was a little girl, I remember hiding on the side of the fridge in my mother's small kitchen and I remember her telling me that there was a monster coming down the stairs and that I needed to hide. (I asked her about this story and she claims she never told me to hide beside the fridge because of a monster). Recently, I was sleeping and I awoke at 2am because I saw a black figure in my sleep with no location- I wasn't in my house, my mind was somewhere else. I woke up and asked my husband to turn the lights on in the bedroom because there was a monster under the bed. I slept the entire rest of the night with the lights on. Perhaps this "demon" "devil" has been following me since childhood. Demons are real because when I attended a funeral of a girl who died by suicide in middle school, her mother cried out to my mother telling her to protect me from the "demons". Strangely enough, I wrote a poem titled "Defeating Demons" this year and made the semi-finalist list with Eber & Wein Publishing. You can't say that my book titled "Chasing Fireflies" wasn't a book that my subconscious wrote about my life and future, because after I have read that book to several privileged people (for free), I feel every word in my soul and understand the spiritual path the character in my book took. Last year my camera also caught a silhouette of a person outback of my house- one second it was there and one second it was gone and one second it was back again.
Last year when I was going through a really rough time and I had stayed with my grandmother for a few months, I had fallen asleep..... my conscious could feel a rug beneath my feet (I was asleep on the couch and apparently one of my legs were dangling off the side), but I remember escaping my body and staring face down at my nannie as she was sleeping (but my body was still on the couch). When my nannie woke up that morning, I told her that I freaked myself out because somehow my soul escaped my body that night and traveled into her room and was above her looking down at her. (That is the first out-of-body experience that I have had). That same week, my highschool boyfriend that died years ago, contacted me in my dream and wrapped his arms around me.... which wasn't just some fluky dream, it felt real as day because when I sat up that morning, my body felt like it had arms around it.
I have an intuition that speaks before my eyes can.
When I say that I am very sensitive to this Universe- it is a complete understatement! I am sensitive to smells, I am sensitive to noises, I am very sensitive to light, and I am extremely sensitive to music ( I feel the music). And overstimulation causes me into a severe panic attack!
These are also reasons why I do not like to be alone, and why I am afraid to drive alone!