A Letter To The Man That I Married By: Brittany Eldridge
In my heart I always knew that I wasn't what your heart desired Late night drives around towns searching for you, losing sleep, crossing mountains, my heart tired
Several accounts of your temptations that led to porn After each expression, your repeated careless acts, my heart torn
You thought my mental health was a chore, that I was special needs Maybe often you were frustrated But with every bash my heart takes, it bleeds
At the altar, you promised before God that you would be there through sickness and in health But, if I take a long hard look, I see you've only thought of yourself
I've dreamt of a life of dancing in the kitchen, gazing at stars, getting lost down back roads, planning together, and we can't forget my dream of being a mother But, I'm here again, second place, picturing you with another
As you stare into the eyes of another I wonder if you ever think of me But then I think about how you're more concerned with your hang over
I'll never be the judge as my Father in Heaven will be the authority of that God is the only one you need to combat
I've listened to songs of the Father to soothe me through the nights I weathered alone "If you've got chains, he's a chain breaker" "I'm lost,I can't find my way home, I'm shaking, will I make it" " you are not hidden, there's never been a moment you were forgotten" I'm only learning to strengthen my backbone
So, I will leave you with this Just as you've repeatedly ripped my heart out and acted as if it were nothing The hurt I won't miss The night we first met, it was because of my cousin, now deceased And, because of him is why I've held on for so long But my heart is not something that can be leased A Thousand Years was the song I walked down the aisle to, to take your hand "I have died every day waiting for you, I have loved you for a thousand years" This bruise that you left me with on my heart is spiritually killing me and every night I'm left in tears
That wedding I spent hours on for us, was something I didn't think I was capable of I sit and stare at my dress in the preservation box But, I'm not certain this is love
The psychological pain of holding on all of these years Has left me with battle scars and many fears I am not going to give you the baton Consider me gone
Til death do us apart, I'll love you forever Words that were severed
Narrated Version: https://youtu.be/tqXR1wnI8lg